I look better un-naked...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
