Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We smell like vodka and hangover
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