Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
