he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
how drunk are you?
Several
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
