I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
