I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
