my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
