Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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