It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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