I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
