he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
