I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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