I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
