i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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