i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
