Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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