Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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