Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
