six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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