I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
