I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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