Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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