it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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