Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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