This is not my ceiling
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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