Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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