I murdered the dance floor call the cops
never play flip cup with pint glasses
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
