four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
