census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
