He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
