It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
