you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
