so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
two words: eviction party
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
