i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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