and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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