I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
