yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
