You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
