the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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