yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
