i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
