dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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