i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
