ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
