I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
