Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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