Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
