We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
