Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
