Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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