I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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