omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
