there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
