do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
