Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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