When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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