Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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