Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
