one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
