Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
