Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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