That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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