did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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