laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize