you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
