But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
